Me? I am pissed.
And I am afraid
Here’s the thing. I am a God-loving, God-fearing person.
Which is to say, I have faith that God is with us in all circumstances.
But I am afraid.
For my friends who are religious minorities
For my dear ones who are LGB or T or queer.
For my neighbors who are ethnic minorities
And I am so very angry that my people…
churched and educated people…
especially white people…
have put these dear family friends and neighbors in harm’s way.
Because we are – collectively – a hot, selfish mess.
Suffering from some sort of moral-ethical dysphoria
that makes it impossible to see our faults and biases, our racism
even with the mirror of voting demographics so close we see our breath on the glass
So wrapped up in maintaining our status and comfort
that we refuse to take on the vulnerability of standing in the gap
even as we point out the failings of those OTHER people
I am a WE person, always ready to join in, always ready to include
But I don’t want to be part of this WE
I want to point at THOSE white people and say THEY are the ones.
But I can’t.
I am part of that hot, selfish mess.
Maybe not with my vote (okay, definitely not with my vote)
But every day, I am part of the system and benefit from it
Every day, in small ways, I take advantage of my whiteness
and my cis-het-marriedness
my cis-normative gender
my middle-class access to abundance
I am part of the hot, selfish mess by association
and especially when I don’t speak out or act out against it.
I see and feel the truth of that more and more each day
and have been working hard at doing better and doing more
I’m pissed that not enough of us are doing that work
I’m pissed that not enough of us are willing to do that work
I’m pissed because the stakes are too high for all of us
And I’m afraid that it will take way too long for enough of us to wake up