49 More Days

Turns out that today marks the last 49 days that I will be 49.  I’ve never been one to pay a lot of attention to age, at least not since I got past 16 (driving!), 18 (voting!) and 21 (drinking!).   But somehow 50 feels like kind of a big deal.

Maybe because the party supply industry and greeting card industry have been in cahoots long enough to make the “Big 5-0” a personal holiday with as much heft as Mother’s Day… and almost as much dread.

Maybe because I never imagined I would be turning 50.  Not that I had imagined my own death by this point… I just literally never thought beyond 30 or so.  I’ve kind of been on auto-pilot during all these “raise the kid, buy a house and then another one, go back to seminary like a fool” years of the past decade or two.

And suddenly, I look up and realize that all these 50th anniversaries of things that happened in 1966 are in the same year as the 50th anniversary of my birth.

Huh.  Funny how that works.

So, for the next 49 days, I’ll see if I can’t get my head around being 49, in hopes of being ready to be fully present in who I am at 50.

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