This Sunday, we marked Epiphany at First Pres with our second round of Star Words. This time, to make sure that I didn’t get too choosy about drawing a word for myself, I asked our music director to pull one for me as he pulled one for himself and his partner.
We went on with the service, the post-church fellowship and chats that happen with people, then I got pulled into a conversation with the pastor of the Latino church that meets in our building. Then it was off to meet the hubby for a museum date (yay Christmas gifts!).
And it was as I was getting into the car I realized… I hadn’t ever asked what my word was. When I called, he was at lunch someplace and couldn’t remember where he’d put the stars, so I said I’d check back later.
One museum date and one very satisfying nap later, I get this text:
I have your word right here in my shirt pocket. It’s authority.
Imagine one of those “brow furrowed with a question mark” expressions as I reply:
Are you sure that one isn’t B’s?
He: Oh yes. B’s is “helping”
Me (still frowning): Authority, huh? Maybe that one is yours?
He: I didn’t pull enough words. I still need to pull one for me.
Me to Universe: Do you even KNOW me?
See, I have authority issues. Not as bad as when I was a kid, or I’d never make a good presbyterian. But it’s there, simmering. It comes out in procrastination. It comes out as snark. It comes out via leading in a way that avoids being too authoritarian, too predictable, too bossy.
I have issues when it comes to being the authority on some subject. Meaning- if I am supposed to know stuff, I want to really know and understand it. Even better if I can be the smartest person in the room (AKA – THE Authoritative Response Giver).
Oh, sweet Merriam-Webster, please give me something to like about this word…Guess this one will have to grow on me a bit.