Oughta be, shoulda been

So much of my life is given to excuses. I should have finished that by now. I would to be on to something else, if only I’d…

By now, I ought to be well past 100 days of prayer. But I’m not. The last 10 days of that journey have taken more like 20. Maybe more- I’m too embarrassed to go verify the count. I’ll leave that for later. I’m actually more interested in exploring why.

The obvious answer is that since I returned from school, I’ve been wrapped up in homework, travel, family, work-work, sleeping and wasting time in front of one electronic screen or another. I’ve done some good work in both school and day job. I’ve had some important and good conversations. I’ve done some important research and processing.

What I haven’t done is come to the blogsite to write. Why? Some theories…

  • I am broken and sinful. Duh. Self-explanatory. Next
  • I am tired. See busyness apologetic above.
  • I don’t want to finish. This is has been such a good exercise that if I don’t end it officially, I won’t feel like it’s ok to stop. It’s this thing that calls to me, and I know that it will be there for me to do. And- I have been praying, even on the days that I don’t post them, I’m getting good time in, because I’m thinking about the fact that I haven’t posted a prayer.
  • I don’t want to blog. Well, I do, but I don’t want to do the processing that needs to happen to get some of those things I’ve been wrestling with into a post. I’ve got this stuff that is messy and that I don’t know what to do with, and that I’m pretty sure would get pulled out of the blue at some point in my life to do me damage. Like that crazy Sotomayor kerfuffle, in which she was quoted out of context and made to deal with statements that weren’t really all that controversial.

So, what to do?

  • I think I’d like to close out the 100. Finish it. Reflect on it. And then challenge myself to something new… perhaps a month on a specific topic?
  • I want to start getting to bed earlier and getting some exercise. Perhaps that will provide fresh energy and time to process.
  • I need to start writing and see where it leads. Even short posts are better than letting it back up until I can’t get any of it out coherently.
  • Clearly, I need to confess and repent and reconcile.

What do you think? Any ideas for a writer who’s not writing and a pray-er who’s not praying?


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