Day 80

14 years ago today, I thought he would never come
I was miserable

I was tired of carrying the burden
I was tired of the wiggling inside me
the way that he was squishing my bladder
making me smell things I never noticed before
and making me someone I wasn’t

There have been times in the years since
that I’ve wanted to go back to that time
so that he was protected
couldn’t go anywhere that I wasn’t
couldn’t eat or drink or be exposed
to anything that I didn’t see coming

But that’s not the way it is
That’s not the way you made us
That’s not the way you parent us

You guide us, teach us, nudge us
And let us make the choices
Picking up the pieces and
making the messes into something beautiful

Help me celebrate that in my own life
As your child and as his parent.

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