I’ve caught myself thinking about this for the last several days, which is generally a good indication that I am being nudged by something other than my subconcious. So I think I’ll take the plunge and join several other bloggers I follow who are on a journey of 100 Days of Prayer.
I’m not much on this sort of thing, usually. Not because I have commitment problems, but because I don’t generally have a very structured schedule, which means I have a hard time doing anything daily that isn’t tied to basic survival instincts. As soon as that thought crystallized, I realized I was in a conversation with God about my prayer life. It went something like this….
God: So, what you’re saying is that prayer every day isn’t really necessary for you?
Me: Well, no, I know that’s not right. I need to be in prayer every day. And I am, for the most part.
God: I’m not your dentist… you might be able to get away with the “flossing most days” argument there, but I know when you check in and when you don’t. And mostly is a bit of a stretch this season.
Me: I got nothing. You’re right. But I want to be better at this, really. I just hate letting you down. I’m afraid of starting something and then not following through yet again. My whole life has been a series of false starts and reboots. Should I be setting myself up to blow it one more time?
God: Do you want me to speak to you directly or do you want to quote me back some of those things you know because you’ve heard them?
Me: You mean like “God will give you the strength to do what God calls you to do”?
God: That’s a good one.
Me: Or the whole thing about not having time NOT to pray for hours every day?
God: Yeah, that’s helpful teaching.
Me: So, what do you want me to do?
God: Listen. Be still.
Me: That’s so hard!
God: I know. Be Still.
Me: I’m afraid.
God: I know. Be Still. Be at Peace.
Me: I’m trying
God: I know. Stop trying. Striving is not being still. Be Still. Be at Peace.
So this is Day 1
In the middle of the chaos that is my life,
You are my peace
In the midst of my striving to be competent, strong, and good at everything
You are my rest
Teach me to be still, God
Show me how to seek nothing but you.